Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just invented taco cereal.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
