OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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