Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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