Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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