i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
