Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
