I think my fart just growled at me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
