whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
