true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
