when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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