also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
