Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This toilet bowl is my home.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
