Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You smell like stripper and shame
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
