remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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