Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
