i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
