you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
God, I missed his penis.
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