as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
