Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
