I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
