im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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