Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
