Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
