My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
