he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
