i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
