oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
