He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
