Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
