dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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