should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
