I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
