with your own penis?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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