Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
