I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
