I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
