So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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