Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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