i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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