i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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