You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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