I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
