Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
