i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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