When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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