Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
