im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
