Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
