we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
