you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
