omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
