Life is so much better after having sex.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
