return my video game
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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