You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
