We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
