ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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