my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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