every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
