Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
